Full Article Title: Real Men/Women of Genius #81 Date: Friday February 11th, 2011 Author: Troubadour Ingelhook Wineries present... REAL WOMEN OF GENIUS {Re-al gals of geeeeeene-yuss} Today we raise our glass to you, Miss OCD Worrywart that You WON'T Be Ready for Your Upcoming Ultra After Having Been on a Rather Strenuous Three-Week Vacation. {Missss just-reeeee-turned-from speeeeeed-hik-ing Southhhh-east Aaaaaa-sia!} You are afraid--aren't ya!--that you will *not* be prepared for your next footrace in a month-and-a-half, after having freshly returned from the trip-of-a-lifetime to Vietnam, during which--just so you *wouldn't* simply relax and lounge around the pool all day--you decided, in honor of your grandpa, to hike the entire Ho Chi Minh Trail. {Hoooooooooope-ful-lyyyyyyyyyyyyyy all the A-gent Orange is gonnnnnnnnnnnnnne!} And now you're begging for "help." You're soliciting sudden inspiration and immediate encouragement, not to mention updated / super-pressured training regimens that'll help "get you ready." {Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu should've jus' swummmmmm laps-in-the-pooool!!} So let's see if we have all this straight. You speedhike approximately one thousand miles of rough jungle terrain within the short time allotted for your vacation--averaging at least 50 kilometers a day, and with nightly windsprints and fartleks around the campgrounds, however you could squeeze them in. You existed on brown unshucked rice, meager beans, and still-podded peas--losing quite a few pounds in the process, leaning out like a goddess, increasing your speed and stamina like an Olympian--and *now* you're back home and suddenly worrying about how the hell you're going to survive one-tenth that distance on crushed limestone, no jungle, nothing poisonous, and with fully-stocked aid stations out the ying-yang. {"But-I-am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo UN-pree-pared for RUNNNN-INNNNNNG!"} You *have* to be kidding us, right? {"Maaaaaaaaaay-be I-can-run-back-to-back-50-mi-lers at-8-minnnn-ute-per-miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiile pace!"} Well, yank that cork quickly out of your White Zinfandel bottle before someone else--better trained--steals it from you, O Keeper of Pace Charts and Obsessive Clocker of Race Times, because, really, if you're thinking--just because you haven't *run* very much--that THAT will severely hamper your performance in a few weeks? Give it up now! Surrender your top-five finish to somebunny else and just keep drinking. You're "a hopeless disappointment" to the rest of us, who somehow survive such ultramarathons without hardly running at all. {Misssssssss O-C-D-Worrrrrrrr-ry-wart that-You-WON'T-Beeeeeee Readddddd-y for Yourrrrrrr Up-commmm-ming Ulllll-tra Af-ter Hav-ing Beennnn on-a-Rath-er Stren-uuuuuuuu-ous Three-Weeeeeek Vaaaa-caaaa-tion!} White Zinfandel yuppie wine: we don't drink it ourselves; we'd rather guzzle beer. ( O_O ) Yours troubly, The Troubadour Yankee Folly of the Day: We even think tramping through 2-foot snowdrifts is good speed training. Active? Y Posted: February 11th, 2011 10:42 pm Last Update: April 9th, 2011 12:22 am Viewed: 959 Last View: May 25th, 2013 10:47 am Unless otherwise indicated, all content, photos and art work published on this website are copyright property ©2004-2013 of Run Race and may not be republished without verifiable authorization from webmaster@runrace.net. Click for our: Terms and Conditions.